Seriously?!

I feel like someone is poking and prodding at my life, and laughing a full bellied laugh at me today. I've literally tripped and fallen on my face 5 times today, and unlike the other day, this time, the dog is smart enough to move out of the way and not let me use her as my giant falling cushion.

It started out okay. We cancelled a JAXNPP meeting with the area leaders last night because so many kidlets were sicks. Which, considering the rain, and how much my head has hurt in the last 48 hours, was really a blessing. I woke up feeling not so bad headache wise, and decided to try to get all of my brain activities done as early as I could while I felt okay. Got my work done. Got my postings to JAXNPP subforum for area leaders done (Rob had helped me type them last night, so I just had to copy/paste). Made Joey breakfast. And by breakfast, I mean toast and fresh squeezed juice, and myself fresh squeezed juice. Much more than that would've been agony. Joey for the most part cooperated, though, watched way more tv than I would like on a normal day but no day has been "normal" lately.

Got done, and we took the dog out and made a rain party out of it. I was sure glad I got Joey that rain poncho at a consignment shop recently for $2.

From February 2010

Then I made lunch for Joey. almond butter and jelly sandwiches, heart shape style. I swore I'd never be the mom who cuts off the crust for their kid, but my mom got him a cut cutter and he really adores it. So I did it. Snapped a photo. He ate the crust, too. Made me feel better ;) He ate THREE sandwiches and an orange and some hemp milk. Must've been pretty crappy sandwiches.

From February 2010

Then, he napped. He fought me about it, but he went down within 20 minutes and slept for 3 hours. Bliss. Except, here I was sitting on the bed and my bliss was interrupted. I got an email from my work. MISTAKES. MISTAKES. MISTAKES. Not just mistakes, but CLIENT FOUND MISTAKES. The worst kind. They didnt necessarily effect patient care, it was a date error. But it was on MULTIPLE FILES. This is the first major mistake I've made since graduating. Ever. I don't make mistakes like this. My memory has been going, going, gone lately and I've been catching myself making more and more mistakes while working. Evidently, there are some going out that I am not catching too. That, seriously breaks my heart. I understand that this is a job where 99% accuracy is expected. And really, I was pretty good at maintaining it until my body decided to go psycho on me and start overproducing spinal fluid and squeezing the hell out of my brain and making me stupid. I feel so ridiculously stupid for making these mistakes. And really, I'm 100% harder on myself than my company was. It just really breaks my heart to be making errors like this, it is not the person I am or was, I guess. It's good that I have cut down on the amount of work, but if I can't keep up quality even in small amounts, I don't know what I will do.

And sometime after making lunch, my head started to pound again. I get this pounding/wooshing in my ears from the fluid and its torture. Lately, I've also been having these shocking pains in my brain. I feel like its a brain zap or something. But if I stand up to quick, turn quickly, step on a toy, bend over to pick up a toy, basically anything that requires movement, I get this horrible shock in my head. Usually the top of my head, sometimes the back. they HURT and literally make me cry sometimes. I'm so frustrated to not be able to clean up! But really, what it ends me up doing, is sitting my butt in one place (couch, bed) and not moving. And being the most worthless mother ever.

So, on monday I was diagnosed with De Quervains Tenosynovitis of my left hand. It has been hurting for about 2 weeks, and I thought maybe I had broken it from the way the medicine sucks water out of my bones, but it turns out its tendon inflammation. (and no, I dont use this part of my hand to type). Anyway, I still dont have a brace for it that my doctor prescribed. rob was supposed to get off early today to do it, but I just got a phone call from him, that he is in the ER. His boss said he looked pale, and his chest hurt and he was dizzy/faint. So. . . I am not getting my brace today, which I was really counting on, to at least relieve THIS part of my pain. And my husband is in the hospital with super high blood pressure (again) and they do not know what is causing it (again).

And the right side of my face is swollen like crazy and I look like some weird half tortured cartoon character.

And my house is a mess and I cant clean it without getting zapped in the brain and I dont want to cook dinner for like reasons. And the way today has turned out, I'm afraid to order out. Probably my go-to corn free places will magically add corn just for tonight to torture me or something. And I have no idea if my husband is okay and when he will be home and I just need him here to give me a break.

And, just so I don't have to end on a mad grumpy note, I'll add a pic of Joey making (eating) cookies from last week.

From February 2010

The reality is though, I'll put a smile on my face and keep on going the best I can because I have to for Joey. BTW, my big appointment with the neuroopthamologist is monday.