Hope

Beautiful, heartbreaking story. This poem her daughter wrote is beautiful, and I can so relate.

"Hope

There is a little piece of glitter following me around

I see it on the carpet and I see it on the ground

that’s been following me for quite some time

guess I never noticed it before

But I know what it means, that little glitter on the floor

It’s hope.

It’s not coincidence, nope, it’s hope.

And I know that I’ve failed you

yeah I know I’ve been untrue

but that glitter on the floor

tells me it doesn’t matter any more

Cuz’ no matter how many times I fail

I’ve got hope.

This time, I’m gonna be better

and I know there’s stormy weather

Please believe in me

I will solve this mystery

and I will show you

to have hope.

It’s not coincidence, nope, it’s hope.

Someday that glitter will shine

Gonna write my rhyme until the time.

My heart’s beatin’ outta my chest

I wanna rest but that don’t impress

I gotta fight this urge

gotta get the electricity surge

I know I can do it

Beat my demons

appreciate the seasons.

I hope, hope, hope I can do it too

make all my wildest dreams come true."

It's official "HG". BOO...

So, tummy baby is about 10.5 weeks. I've been having a hard time getting excited for baby, and having every little thing knock me down into a state of fear.  We are so blessed for this baby, and God knows all about this baby and I trust Him, so I should not worry. Easier said than done.

I was really hoping that I'd escape the "HG" diagnosis this pregnancy.  Up until a week ago, I was still just labeled as "nausea and vomiting during pregnancy." Still gross, but the only HG on my record was "History of HG." It is only natural for me to wish that I won't get it.  But, I've come to terms with it, here I am in my 5th HG pregnancy.  Wow. 6th pregnancy, but my last loss was so early I hadn't developed my usual pregnancy disposition yet.

I've only dropped about 20 pounds... 28 total if you count the 8 pounds I gained in the early days of this pregnancy.  It's so small compared to my other pregnancies weight loss, but that combined with the incessant puking is enough to put me back in the HG category again.  Part of me wants to fall on the ground and cry about this, but most of me is glad that it is not as severe as it could be.  There are worse things to be dealing with and I have survived HG before so I can get through it again.  My sweet babies are worth it and every life is a gift. It's all a perspective thing. I'm sure most normal mom's would consider this pregnancy awful, but because I have felt what MORE AWFUL HG is like, more than once, I can take it comparatively and say, eh, its not that bad.  I'm still able to function and leave the house most days, as well as many other things I'm thankful that I can do that I couldn't during other pregnancies.

Last night I threw up violently after eating dinner.  I was taking a shower, and suddenly had to puke, and it was awful.  I had vomit go up my sinuses and had bits of my dinner stuck in my sinuses after. it was just awful.  I couldn't breath. I'm feeling very traumatized today.  I have stuck to smoothies and Gatorade and soft foods today and taken medications even more than usual just to make sure I don't puke when my esophagus and throat and sinuses are all still so raw.  I pretty much don't want to ever eat again.  But I know from past experience that I will and have to. But ugh... I won't be eating THAT dinner anytime for a few years...

And for the record, I have the best husband. he has cleaned up puke pregnancy after pregnancy after pregnancy.  And it seems as time goes on, my ability to control when it hits is even worse.  The mess that I made last night while suffocating and having vomited food fly through my sinuses was really awful. And Rob cleaned it all up without even complaining... so to anyone that ever thinks my hubby does not do enough.  I guarantee he has cleaned up more disgusting bodily fluid messes than most human beings!

Ironically, I've felt the best mood wise than I have in over a year.  Yaaay, hormones. Happy hormones.  Sometimes, when they aren't being moody hormones. Ha ha.

We have so many great things happening and are so very busy trying to do them all and keep up with everything that is always happening in our daily lives.  It can be overwhelming, but I am thankful. Thankful despite the traumatizing vomit and this baby is growing. 

In Memory of my Grammie

To many, she was known as Evy. To me, she was the fabulous lady that I was blessed to call my Grammie for the last almost 31 years. She lived to be almost 97 years old and inspired many along the way, with her joyful laughter, persistence, red lipstick, and love for God and for all of us. That love, that's what Grammie was all about.  And even now as she remains in our hearts and minds as a memory, it is that love that she gave that remains.

We had the memorial service for Grammie last Friday.  Family traveled from all around the United States to gather in Charleston, South Carolina to celebrate her life. I had told my aunt in advance that I wanted to read something at the memorial - that I didn't think I could just speak from my heart like I had at my Papa's funeral, as I knew I needed to hold myself together to a certain extent if I did not want to experience definite catastrophe with my 3 kids present.  Because if mama starts crying, they surely would have all started up too! Even so, my plan was not perfect, but it is the best I could think of that I could still honor my Grammie and keep my kids emotions to a minimum.

I told my Aunt Polly that I needed some thing to read.  Her and my dad had been looking through my Grammies things and found a journal from about 15 years ago, and the first entry in it was perfect.  It encompassed everything Grammie was to all of us -thankful, joyful, silly, loyal to her husband, loving mother, and so much more.  It worked out that Emily fell asleep in the car and transferred into the sling, so I kept her in the ring sling asleep on my chest while I read from Gram's journal.  As I read, I could hear Grammie's voice and how she would have read this journal out loud, and evidently that transferred to how I read it because I had many tell me I "sounded just like Evy" reading it. Despite my best laid plans, I sat down to Ina, who was sobbing in a puddle of tears and cried out in her sweet little 4 year old voice, "But I wanted to invite Grammie to my next birthday party and now she can't come!!" She continued to cry a bit and Rob and I took turns passing her and Emily, who was awakened from Ina's crying,  back and forth. After the service Ina told Rob that she should have gotten to talk about Grammie on stage too just like the other grandkids did too. I was honored for Grammie that two of my cousins got up and spoke to remember Grammie after I was done. Their sweet stories touched my children especially who have known Grammie only too briefly!

Grammie's journal pages that I read:

"My Gratitude Book: 

6/97 Grateful for Pete and Polly. Appreciate calls from them since we are far apart. 

Thank you, God, for my life and my longevity. Mother died at 72+. Lois died at 72+. Most of my aunts on the Kheil side died in their 60's. 

Thank you for a home and beds and clean linens. 

Grateful for a wash machine and dryer. 

Grateful for a car to take me where we want to go. 

Grateful that Johnny is such a wonderful driver. 

Thank you Lord for being there for me. For giving your life on the cross for me! Thank you Jesus for being my best friend. 

Grateful for many friends who care about me. 

Grateful for friends at the church. 

I'm grateful for good food, fruits grown in California. 

I'm grateful for all the gifts we've received down through the years. 
25th anniversary - Silver. 
50th anniversary - Gold. 
Birthday gifts
Christmas gifts
Mothers day
Fathers day
Other anniversaries

I'm grateful for the great weather we have in Southern California. 

We love the ocean view from our condo. 

We're thankful for being able to have and drive decent cars. 

We're grateful for being able to buy and use our Lawrence Welk time share which we have owned for 8 years. We've been able to share the timeshare with family and friends. We were able to celebrate or 50th anniversary there with friends and family. What a great time and we will be forever grateful for that time - Nov. 18. 1945. 

One of the things I am most thankful for is that Johnny has saved us thousands of dollars by being able and capable of repairing everything. He is mechanically inclined so is also able to take care of cars except for large problems. I'm talking about stoves, refrigerators, washers, dryers, toilets, some plumbing, disposals, etc. In Illinois, he took care of the yard, the garden, sewers, etc. 

Pete was a big help in the yard when we were in Ill. We were able to save a lot of money because Pete and Polly did a lot in and out of the house. Shoveling snow was a big chore in Northbrook, Ill. One of the jobs I also helped with. Thanks to God for good health. - 1970s and 1980s."

Ina was very excited to share all of the strawberry jam she made with Grammie's recipe.  I made a brief announcement at the reception, telling everyone that it was Grammie's recipe, and that one of my memories whenever we visited her was having her homemade strawberry jam on English muffins every morning. We sent everyone home with at least one jar so that they could experience that memory of Grammie again. :) I got asked thousands of times by Ina on this trip if I remembered the jam. Yes, dear, I remembered!

One really neat thing that Grammie did for every grandchild, (all 7 of us!), is she kept boxes of memories from the time that we were born all the way until a few years ago, in addition to a "Grandmother Remembers" book with the Mathews family history and memories from Grammie and Papa's early lives. My box had some cool things like a newspaper article I was in with my Grammie, my first dance recital program, even some art work that joey had given her when we had come to visit when he was 2 or 3, printed out copies of emails I had sent them. It was really sweet to receive this box of memories.  They were my memories too, but it was different as these were all her memories of me from her perspective.  She told us all that she had prayed daily for us, but "only since the day we were born." lol :) I really love this idea and I would love it if my mom or my mother in law did this for our children to have one day.

All in all, it was very nice to have all of the Froehlich and Mathews gathered together to celebrate her life.  I enjoyed looking through the many well organized and labeled photos from my Grammie's life - I even found out that they went on vacation to Jacksonville early in their marriage and found that my Ina looks identical to my Grammie's sister, Lois. We are all excited for the new babies that are joining our family this year - Dream and Carver are expecting a baby boy in July, and us expecting another sweet baby in November. Sharing the joy of babies on the way with family who were truly excited was a wonderful blessing of this trip.

The Froehlich's and the Ascher's

Some of the Cillpam's

We closed our trip to South Carolina by stopping at an air show on the way home. Joey's favorite thing, and my favorite memory of something I did with my Grammie and Papa. It was the perfect end to our weekend. 

blessed for the vomit

It's one of those things that if you've only ever had "normal" pregnancies, you won't get.  And even mom's who have been through HG and some of the other many health complications I've had, often times cannot even relate. But I just feel blessed. By every stressful complication. Every stressful vomit that makes me worry about my baby.  Every tiny little "abnormal" thing.... to me, they are just tiny reminders of the life I am blessed with.  Most would laugh if they saw the reality of my pregnancy and me calling this one easy compared to the last 5. But easy or medium or hard, it doesn't matter.  I am still equally blessed.

Intuition

God guides our intuition and there is much to be said about that.  Exhausted, but that just comes to mind. Always trust God. And always trust that inner voice.

Happy Easter!

Lighting a candle and praying for Grammie. Joey's idea.

Meet the newest member of our family: Spotlight. (or Spot-white, depending on who you ask)

Ina convinced Dada that they needed a pet bunny. She loves and adores this little baby bunny.

Joseph Michael's Birth Story

I knew I had written down Joey's birth story somewhere. It is still painful for me to remember 8 years later. I found this I wrote when he was in the NICU.

So on April 3rd, I went into an appointment with my OB that had been moved up because of the appointment I had with the high risk specialist the day before, who recommended that I be induced before 40 weeks because of my blood pressure and asthma complications and if I went past 40 weeks he thought they'd definitely continue in their downward movement and put my life and the baby's life at risk. Plus i was still violently barfing dozens of times per day from the HG. The thing was, my OB still had April 20th as my due date - but the specialist had April 5th. I was sure of my ovulation date from charting and I knew the April 5 date was accurate. Anyway, we went into this appointment and I was quite nervous about having to argue about the dates and things, because I KNEW this baby was ready to be born, and I think considering all the bedrest and health problems my entire pregnancy has brought me, I had been very patient until this point. I brought my hubby with me just in case I needed him. Anyway, we sat down and discussed, my blood pressure was up to 155/105, I am sure was partly anxiety. She said she'd check to see if I'm dilated at all, and that would determine if and when they induce, because she'd really like to avoid a c-section and if they induce me with my cervix totally closed, the chance of needing a c-section would be much higher. so she checked me and I was 3 cm and 50 percent effaced. She decides to send me to the hospital and induce me right then, especially given my blood pressure this morning. She had a little squabble about the dates for a bit, and then was like, you know this isn't really professional, it doesn't matter, by any of the dates he's considered full term, and by the last ultrasound (done the day before), he's 8lbs 4oz, so already plenty large.

we go over to the hospital, check in at 11:15am, and get settled in the room. my MIL came over to stay with me while my husband ran home and got my hospital bag and a few other things and gave our dog one last walk from him (his brother took care of her while we were in the hospital). they started me on pictocin at 12, which started up the contractions - I could feel them, but they weren't painful, just uncomfortable, which was good since my MIL was still there. my hubby got back about 2:30, my MIL went back to work, and then at 3 my OB came in a broke my water. The combination of my water breaking and the increase in the pictocin made my contractions get long and strong and very painful very fast. I literally went from smiling one contraction to crying the next because it was such a drastic change and hurt so bad. My diastolic number on my blood pressure went nuts at this point, up to 215/124 at the highest. As I had pre-discussed with my OB, I would have an epidural because of my high risk for needing a c-section and we needed to avoid general anesthesia if at all possible because of my asthma - she would not have even agreed to a trial of labor without this ridiculous agreement. So they called for the anesthesiologist at this point, and prepared to give me the epidural at about 4:30. I was literally shaking and crying from the pain and nothing my husband or the nurse did could calm me down. They decided to unplug the pictocin drip while they did the epidural to lessen my pain some (or at least prevent it from increasing). Even without the pictocin, my contractions continued to be very painful. I sat on the edge of the bed leaning on the nurse who was way too damn short and tiny (Rob tried to stand to let me lean on him and they wouldn't let me husband stand there for risk he'd faint or something which turned out to be BS because after an hour of them trying, my husband gave up on sitting anyway). The first anesthesiologist tried 8 times with the epidural needle and couldn't get it into the spaces. She kept hitting my spine and it hurt like HELL and i was just screaming and screaming. So I was constantly restuck with more numbing medicine, and then stabbed until I screamed when she hit my bone. She also didn't look at the monitor, and was practically timing when she got to my spine with the peaks of my contractions, which was god-awful. They paged the senior anesthesiologist, who said he was in the OR and would be up there as soon as he could. They tried to lay me back down, and he was up there in about 10 mins. He was bitchy and grumpy when he got there and was like "Let's do this now, I don't have time for this Shit!" well, he did a much better job poking at me when I wasn't contracting, but it still took him four tries before he got it in. when he finally got it in, I was so relieved because i was shaking beyond all other and had felt like I was going to puke/faint multiple times. My back looked like (and still looks like) swiss cheese.

Shortly after, I wasn't feeling the pain from the contractions as badly, but my BP was still very high and i was having labored breathing. They gave me medication for my blood pressure through my iV, and steroids for my asthma. They also gave me my regular dose of medications for the evening. The OB came in and checked me around 9:30pm and I was dilated to 5 cm and 90 percent effaced. They had me lay on my left side and put in a catheter so I didn't have to move or get out of bed unnecessarily. i had agreed to get the damn epidural so she would "let" me try labor, but did not use it except for that first dose of meds that came through. I didn't want me or my baby to have that crap. at 11 I closed my eyes and rested for about an hour, remembering that rest and relaxation was the best thing to help my body progress. I woke up at 12:15 with intense pressure and pain at the peak of my contractions, so i pressed the call button, the nurse came in and checked me and surprisingly, I was fully dilated and ready to push. We spent about an hour pushing before they paged my OB, who came over, and i pushed through four more contractions with her there and baby joseph was born at 2:03am on April 4th. my holy Thursday baby. She put him on my tummy when he was born and he was so beautiful, and screaming his little head off, too. Robby cut the cord, and they took joey over to the bassinet that was about 3 feet away from me, and i could still see almost everything without my glasses on. Robby wandered back and forth between me and baby for the next few minutes. Joey's first apgar was 7, because he was having low shallow breathing, but the next one was a 9. He weighed 8lbs, 3.9oz and was 24.2 inches long. I had a second degree tear, and my OB began to stitch me up. She evidently did not believe that I hadn't used the epidural meds and started to stitch me up with no numbing agent.She said she could give me numbing agent, but was almost done anyway, so I bit my tongue through about 1 minute of stitch pain to avoid another shot. My first memories of Joey are accompanied by me crawling up the table screaming from her stitching me. Ergh. Joey continued to cry the whole time they assessed, measured, and cleaned him up. My OB joked that he was crying because it "wasn't his due date" and i said, yup, not either of them, haha.

They handed joey to robby, and the look on robby's face was the best memory ever. It was the moment i wished we had someone else in the birthing room so they could've taken a picture. At first it was like, "Oh Shit, they gave me this baby, and he's screaming, and I don't know what to do." Robby started to talk to him, and rub his back, and sure enough, he stopped crying. Then there was this look of relief on Robby's face that said "Hey, maybe I can do this..." Robby sat in a chair next to me holding joey while they finished my stitches, and then he handed him to me to nurse. He wouldn't latch on right away, but we squeezed out some colustrum, and he seemed more interested but wouldn't latch. I found out that the hospital has this weird policy that you have to nurse the baby full wrapped up, which joey didn't like, and his hands were so close to his mouth it was getting in the way and impeding him being able to latch. I had two nurses at this point for me, because one was being trained (was an OB up in indiana for 30 plus years before moving here though). About an hour later, the nurse trainee came in and unwrapped joey and put him skin to skin with me and helped me get him to latch and told me that if any of the other nurses saw me feeding, just say I decided to do it myself. Which was a huge relief because he nursed for about 5 mins and I felt we all could finally rest. They came in shortly after, recorded that he fed, and helped me out of bed and changed my sheets, and helped me clean up in the bathroom. The nurse gave joey his first bath, and showed robby how to bathe him. It was about 6am by this point, and joey was sound asleep, so rob and I slept too, for almost 3 hours. My OB came in and checked me and said I was looking very good. My blood pressure was back to normal and I was back to just my control-inhalers for asthma (hooray!) And I was barf free for the first time in forever.

the first day we spent pretty much enjoying joey, and resting as much as possible. Robby's mom, dad, brother, grandma, and his brother's gf all came to meet joey. His grandmother's reaction to him was the sweetest. All of the nurses raved about what a beautiful baby he was, how his features were perfect, like a doll, and said robby and I make pretty babies. lol. That first night was really rough, because I had the rudest nurse in the world that insisted I give him formula because I was starving him because my milk hadn't came in yet, but I refused and stuck to my wishes and intuition, he was nursing very well for about 15 mins every 1 1/2 hrs so I knew he was doing good. The next day, my OB came in and asked if I wanted to go home today or the next day, and I said today, I'd be way more comfortable at home. When we checked out, joey was borderline for needing to be treated for jaundice, his levels were at a 9.4 and he was at 8lbs (only had lost 4 oz, which was very good for EBF babies I was told), so we were to bring him in on saturday for a weight check and blood work to check his bilirubin levels. 

Saturday we brought him in, and his levels had gone up to 17.2 and he had lost ten percent of his body weight (don't remember the exact weight). They said though, since he was feeding so well and urinating and pooping that they wouldn't admit him until it got to 20, so they sent us home, and told us to give him formula after he was done breast feeding just to make sure he was getting enough milk from my breasts. well, we gave him formula the first time around 6pm, after he had nursed for 45 mins (my milk came in earlier that day). He fussed at the bottle, and did not want to take the formula, but as instructed we "forced" him to take as much as he could. We barely got him to take 1/2 an ounce. He fell asleep, and when i tried to rouse him about 1 1/2 hrs later to feed, I noticed he had hives ALL OVER his body, and I flipped out. I told robby to call the hospital and find out what to do, and they gave him shit like we were complaining they made us give him formula, which we were in a way because it made him sick - but we HAD followed their advice and done it, because we wanted him to get better. Robby went to the hospital and got hypoallergenic formula, and I put cool compresses on joey to relieve some of the hives. I stayed up the first half of the night waking him and feeding him, doing everything I could to get him to eat as much as possible. He rarely would take the formula after he nursed, and when he did it was 1/4 to 1/2 an ounce. 

we brought him back into the hospital sunday for his weight check and blood work, and they told us we had to wait, because he looked like he needed to be admitted. His levels came back and they were just over 20. He had gained 4 oz from the day before though, which was very good. They still needed to admit him though. I've never been so sad in all my life, and cried when they took him to put him into the nicu. I knew that lots of newborns got jaundiced, and he'd be fine, I just didn't like the idea of leaving my 4 day old baby alone in the nicu for all that time. They said I could stay at the hospital, but the room was so far away from the NICU and I was only going to be allowed to go in to see him to feed him, and even that they would only let me do a partial feeding for every other feeding. So basically, I'd get to see him every 6-7 hrs for about 20 mins, the rest of the time they'd bottle feed him while he's under the UV-lights. I decided it would be too hard for me to sit in another hospital room and know I can't be with him. I cried so hard when we left him there. I got home, and expressed about 4 ounces of breast milk. Robby and I went to walmart and drove around to waste time and distract me, mostly. We came back to the hospital for his 8pm feeding, which I wasn't even sure if I could handle emotionally but I wanted to breastfeed him, and hold him even if it was only for 20 mins. Robby and I scrubbed in, and my skin started to break out in hives from the soap they had us use. I noticed my skin was a little red, but didn't think it was much besides stress or a little bit of sensitivity. They took him out, and handed him to me, and set a timer for 20 mins. within 30 seconds, my skin turned bright red all over and started to itch and burn. I was trying so hard to get him to latch though, because I wanted him to BF while I was there, but I know he sensed how i was feeling. my husband asked the nurses if they could get me benadryl, and they couldn't, I'd have to go to the Er. well, I had some in the car so robby ran downstairs to get it, and 3 or 4 nurses started laying cool compresses on me and ice packs and giving me water to drink. I finally got joey to latch, and he was nursing like a champ, but I was shaking all over from the itching and burning and felt like i was going to puke. Robby got back up and gave me the benadryl, and I started to improve - at least, not get worse anymore. Joey's time was almost up so I had robby support my arm holding him so he could nurse and I wouldnt drop him because of my shaking and swelling from my allergic reaction - it turns out the soap had iodine in it, which I am very allergic to. He finished, and robby took him and put him back under the lights, and the nurse came and set him up with his mask and everything, and fed joey the bottle, which he only took about 3/4 of an ounce, so considering - he didn't do that bad nursing. I sat and tried to cool my skin off, and started to feel better some, and sat there with joey until I felt good enough to walk (they didn't want me to go until I felt better - which was kind of good because normally they would have made me go after the 20 mins.) We left, and i started to feel better but was still sad about leaving him there all night. They had done another blood test right before we came, so we planned to call before we went to sleep to find out what it was. 

we went to my in-laws at 9pm, and had easter dinner - and opened presents from friends that had been there that night expecting to get to meet joey. We got home, and called the NICU, his tests had shown that it had already dropped to 14.2 -- which was really good... so I have high hopes I'll be able to take my baby home when i go there shortly this morning, but I have more expressed breast milk just in case they say i can't, but I sure hope that won't be the case. Saddest Easter ever.

Edit 3 days later: My Joey is home! His levels were 10.3 at 7 this morning. They did one more draw when we left, but we didn't have to stay for the results since it was so low this morning. He goes on Friday back to the nicu for a recheck to make sure it hasnt came back. I am just thankful to be able to hold him and nurse him again - without a timer and mean nurses breathing down my neck.

Pregnant with Purple Hair Baby 2

So since we heard this sweet baby's heart beat on Monday and got an official guess date of November 18, 2015 (this is my Grammie and Papa's wedding anniversary, and this year would have been 70 years for them!), we officially told our kids and now we're sharing with family and friends now too. I'm 7ish weeks now.

So, everyone wants to know, where did my awesome purple hair go?! Well, my pregnancy hormones evidently are not fond of having hair dye stay adhered to my hair! The neon pink hair that it turned to was a bit much for me.  I can totally rock the purple, but neon pink was too bold.  So it's normal-ish. Again.  Boring.  If you look at it closely, there are still parts that wouldn't even let it to normal.  I'm thinking I may make some clip ons to add into my hair when I'm feeling up to it.

So I might have lost my awesome hair to this baby, but I'll trade purple hair for a baby growing in my belly any day.

Blessings of Holy Week

Holy week is always one of my most favorite times to be Catholic. I've been able to participate in alot more at Church this week than I did last year this time when I had a new tiny Emily and that has been such a blessing for my life.

As I got up at 3 am today to finish barfing in the toilet instead of on myself while I sleep, I still feel so very blessed for the sweet life growing inside of me and that I got to hear baby's heartbeat on Monday.  There is no sweeter sound in the world. This is the earliest I've ever gotten to hear one of my baby's heartbeats. I always have a bit of an internal struggle with myself on fasting and abstinence days in the church, as I've been either nursing or pregnant or both for the last almost 9 years and so in theory I'm excused. I usually have no problem abstaining, but fasting has only happened unintentionally when I've been pregnant.  I talked to my kids about this some yesterday and had reminded them (oh, they so love to tell me when I'm breaking rules!) ;) that I would not be truly fasting for Good Friday like I would want to.  However, after that violent middle of the night puke fest, I may end up in a fasting by default state.

My born on Holy Thursday baby, Joey, celebrates his 8th birthday on Saturday.  He is at the last month of preparation for receiving his first communion soon, and I am so very excited for him.

This Easter Vigil also marks 10 years since I was received into the Church. Such a wonderful, fond time to remember. I have some memories from that day that still hurt my heart deeply, but most of all that day, I felt such great beautiful love from the amazing community at Holy Family Cathedral in Orange, CA, from the amazing RCIA team that had patiently spent 2 years with me, from my amazing sponsor Norah, from my then boyfriend Rob (whoa! This seems like so much longer ago), and some from family and friends in attendance and who were in prayer with me.  I have made amazing lengths in my faith in the last 10 years, and God continues to help me grow everyday.  I am blessed to be a godmother.  I have 3 living children baptized that attend mass regularly (and drive me crazy at mass regularly!) and yet another 2 babies who are in the hands of God too soon from miscarriage.  And another sweet tiny blessing growing inside of me!  I've received the anointing of the sick more times than I'd like to admit -- hehe. And actually, as this pregnancy the HG has been in waves I haven't been anointed yet, I should ask.

We were so young!  Haha.  :)

Inspiring words

Sometimes, the smallest insignificant thing can uplift a hard day and help me get through. The other day, it was actually this email - which is totally just advertising, in a way. But it is truth - and reminded me of what's important.

Dear Jenni,

I hope you are doing well. If you are anything like me there are times when you feel like your head is going to explode. Every room you walk into provides you with another list of things you need to do. The kids are calling, the counters are sticky and.... Oh those blasted crumbs!

When you are having a really tough moment or day ~ even though no one may be there to give you an understanding smile or a hug, please know that you are not alone. All of us mamas have struggles, and this too shall pass.

Just, please, don't beat yourself up.

We know we need to relish this time as a mother, that childhood is one of the most important times we can NEVER GET BACK! And we know that we need to capture it however we can ~ I hope you can find a moment to write down some of the good times and the cute phrases, and/or stick an image to the wall that reminds you of how good it can all be.

I've created some lovely images to remind you of peace and calm, they always help me.

Have a great day!

Love & Sincerely,
Katie

Katie m. Berggren ~ Could this moment be yours?

Visit the site & blog: http://www.KmBerggren.com


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