So, tummy baby is about 10.5 weeks. I've been having a hard time getting excited for baby, and having every little thing knock me down into a state of fear. We are so blessed for this baby, and God knows all about this baby and I trust Him, so I should not worry. Easier said than done.
I was really hoping that I'd escape the "HG" diagnosis this pregnancy. Up until a week ago, I was still just labeled as "nausea and vomiting during pregnancy." Still gross, but the only HG on my record was "History of HG." It is only natural for me to wish that I won't get it. But, I've come to terms with it, here I am in my 5th HG pregnancy. Wow. 6th pregnancy, but my last loss was so early I hadn't developed my usual pregnancy disposition yet.
I've only dropped about 20 pounds... 28 total if you count the 8 pounds I gained in the early days of this pregnancy. It's so small compared to my other pregnancies weight loss, but that combined with the incessant puking is enough to put me back in the HG category again. Part of me wants to fall on the ground and cry about this, but most of me is glad that it is not as severe as it could be. There are worse things to be dealing with and I have survived HG before so I can get through it again. My sweet babies are worth it and every life is a gift. It's all a perspective thing. I'm sure most normal mom's would consider this pregnancy awful, but because I have felt what MORE AWFUL HG is like, more than once, I can take it comparatively and say, eh, its not that bad. I'm still able to function and leave the house most days, as well as many other things I'm thankful that I can do that I couldn't during other pregnancies.
Last night I threw up violently after eating dinner. I was taking a shower, and suddenly had to puke, and it was awful. I had vomit go up my sinuses and had bits of my dinner stuck in my sinuses after. it was just awful. I couldn't breath. I'm feeling very traumatized today. I have stuck to smoothies and Gatorade and soft foods today and taken medications even more than usual just to make sure I don't puke when my esophagus and throat and sinuses are all still so raw. I pretty much don't want to ever eat again. But I know from past experience that I will and have to. But ugh... I won't be eating THAT dinner anytime for a few years...
And for the record, I have the best husband. he has cleaned up puke pregnancy after pregnancy after pregnancy. And it seems as time goes on, my ability to control when it hits is even worse. The mess that I made last night while suffocating and having vomited food fly through my sinuses was really awful. And Rob cleaned it all up without even complaining... so to anyone that ever thinks my hubby does not do enough. I guarantee he has cleaned up more disgusting bodily fluid messes than most human beings!
Ironically, I've felt the best mood wise than I have in over a year. Yaaay, hormones. Happy hormones. Sometimes, when they aren't being moody hormones. Ha ha.
We have so many great things happening and are so very busy trying to do them all and keep up with everything that is always happening in our daily lives. It can be overwhelming, but I am thankful. Thankful despite the traumatizing vomit and this baby is growing.
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