I'm going to go ahead and totally overshare with all of you regarding my health. Way tmi health update. Stop reading now if you don't want to know details.
My year since Emily was born has been a very difficult year. My pregnancy with her was already a hard year with hg and home health, and I expected it to get easier once she arrived, but it didn't. I still have some vitamin deficiencies and food aversions that are directly related to her pregnancy, too.
I got mastitis twice when Emily was young and at least one time was likely related to her tongue tie revision and her not removing milk effectively. Emily also has never liked to sleep and cried alot as a newborn. She still cries way more than the average baby, but I love my baby and insist on meeting her needs even if it means I lose sleep.
I was having random on and off heavy bleeding for months after her birth and saw a specialist and he kept brushing it off as "just hormonal", but nothing was getting better. I'd be fine for a few days and then Id be standing in Costco and be covered in my own blood. Id feel fine some days and other days Id be nauseated and puke and bleed heavily. I saw one resident at mayo that told me i was bleeding so much because i was sleep deprived! Oy! After some persistence on my part and getting a second opinion gynecologist and an Mri, they found a tiny tear on my cervix and cauterized it and all the bleeding finally stopped in June, nearly 5 months after she was born. I have never been so happy to not be bleeding constantly.
After all of my babies I've struggled some with anxiety and depression, more so after Joey than Ina. There were definitely situational components to both and I struggled with this too when I was younger. I was trying to do natural things and hoping that once the bleeding got under control things would get better for me on this front. They didn't. I'm a very very private person, and confided in my closest friends asking for advice and help on labor day weekend. One friend jumped to the conclusion based upon text messages that she thought I was suicidal and intended to kill myself. This was far from the truth, but she then decided to call the police instead of picking up to call me or mutual friends or my husband to see what my state of mind was. Yes, I was upset that night. No, I did not need the police called and involved in my life. I was upset and crying and talking to my husband late that night when a policeman shined his flashlight into our window, shortly after I opened the door I had cuffs on my hands and was put in the back of a police car because my friend told them that I was going to commit suicide. I was taken away to a mental health facility that was truly the thing that nightmares are made of and locked up against my will. I will spare you from the details, but it was horrifying. Prisoners are given more rights. I was denied access to a pump and access to my nursing children. I begged for them to at least give me a pump or allow my husband to bring mine, my breasts hurt so badly. I had no idea if or how Emily was being fed and that was my biggest worry. I didn't have pumped milk in the freezer nor would Emily take it if i did because she always had a hard time eating because of her tongue. Luckily one friend came over and nursed Emily the entire time i was gone. What a blessing. The psychiatrist met with me about 15 hours after being put in there and then 2 hours later I was released. He agreed that I was very stressed out and probably needed some more support, but that I did not belong in a inpatient setting. As a result of this visit, we were reported to dcf and investigated for months after. We were "double reported" as in got reported twice in 24 hours, once because of me being brought in by the police and once because I was a breastfeeding mother who drank a beer at 10pm at night. The nurse who reported me for that wouldn't have even known that I was nursing but I kept begging for a pump because I was so scared of getting mastitis again and I was incredibly engorged and in pain. After I left, I did follow up with a primary care dr for help with the anxiety and depression bouts and it has been helping.
Dcf dropped the case against us rather rapidly stating there was no abuse indicated, but because of us being double reported we had to complete months of classes and in home checks. Very very stressful when I was already very stressed. That ended around Thanksgiving. It's not being paranoid when you've actually got government people in your house scrutinizing your every decision, it's not paranoia, it's very real fear.
In November I started having some breast problems and there was concern that it could be breast cancer. Mayo and our insurance was being very uncooperative with getting me the appointments I needed to be checked, and so I went through a painfully slow process of having that evaluated while I worried. Most recently I saw the breast surgeon who believes it's more likely I have some sort of bleeding issue going on and she has referred me to hematology to be worked up eventually.
Then in January I fainted. Rob found me unconscious. I have a loss of memory of about 5 hours and evidently denied being transported by EMS when they were at my house. I fainted again the next morning and couldn't stop puking and went to the hospital and was admitted. They suspected that it may be related to medication or that my intracranial hypertension was returning. I've been considered "in remission" of this since getting pregnant with Ina. They wanted to do a lumbar puncture to check for this, it was mildly elevated but not enough to convince me to go on the medicines that really did not help the first time. They tried to do the lumbar puncture bedside and it was horrible and painful and I had bleeding complications. They did it under fluouroscopy the next day and also did a number of all tests, all relatively inconclusive. I was discharged on the third day and had a horrible post lumbar puncture headache develop. I called the dr on call and they encouraged me to wait until Monday, or go into the ER. I wound up going into the ER because I was in so much pain. They couldn't do the blood patch because it was a Sunday and they don't do them on Sundays. I was also then given the news that I had bacteria growing in my spinal fluid and that there was concern for meningitis, so they didn't want to treat me for the headache and accidentally seal in meningitis basically. They gave me many powerful pain drugs and sent me home and told me to come back tomorrow if I still needed the blood patch. I came back and they said they couldn't do it that day and were still concerned about meningitis and so they gave me antibiotics and more pain meds. I came back the following day and had the blood patch procedure done on my spine and had relief from those symptoms.
I evidently ovulated late from stress in the hospital, and to my shock, had an early positive pregnancy test. On Ina's birthday, I was certain I had lost the baby and was miscarrying. Our emotions on this are still very mixed.
This doesn't even get into Emilys hospital visit in the fall or all of the regular kid illnesses that we've dealt with all year!
I really didn't necessarily want to share this.
`I am a deeply personal private person and even people who are very close to me don't know all of this. I am so very physically tired though and so tired of people asking other people how I am and false information being given from friends that have turned against me when I've needed them most. I have lost friends this last year and my heart hurts and breaks from that. Please know that I am doing the best that I can. You might not think it from where you sit, but take a moment and see where I've been sitting, and know that I have been doing my very best. I am eternally grateful to my friends and family who have been at my side serving me and my family and showing me how Jesus calls us to love and be loved. Thank God for them and thank God for life.
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