HG adventures

So, while this pregnancy has been milder HG in comparison to my others, it has not been without complication!

For the last week I've been dealing with extreme itchiness from the pump sites. They always were itchy but not like this. Something had just changed with my body and I knew it wasn't right.  I was having deep deep internal itching.  Then a few days later the itching spread, then hives began, then hives began to spread up my neck... I would take benadryl to relieve the symptoms and they would return in the same order time after time after time.  It was awful.  I talked to many nurses, the pharmacist. All thought it would be incredibly rare to develop an allergy to the zofran now, but not impossible. Finally Friday I spoke to a doctor that felt strongly it was the zofran, wanted me to stop with the zofran and benadryl immediately.  I got put on high dose steroids as my allergic reaction had progressed so far, and I'm now trying a new to me oral med for vomiting, reglan. I'm not sure how it's working because right now my body is whipped up on these steroids, so it will be at least a week before I have even a slight idea. 

I still keep having where's my pump-itis? Any time I move, freaking out trying to figure out where it is so I don't pull it out of me and then I remember oh its gone.  It's not gone forever though. They're giving me two weeks to see how I do keeping down the oral reglan or they will try reglan in the pump.  In the mean time, my skin has began to shed off and peel in thick layers where my allergic reaction was happening.  Totally gross, but interesting, too.

Just pray for my healing.  I know I'll get through this and we will hopefully find a regimen that works :) but it is also mentally and physically exhausting!

Puzzled

Many days, I feel like I am a puzzle.  One of those really old puzzles that's jumbled up in a box with missing pieces and pieces from other puzzles mixed in.  The one you just can't bring yourself to throw away, yet, you could never put it together even if you tried.

I've felt a total mess with my health the last year.  It's actually calmed down substantially since getting pregnant, but some days I still feel like it's still spinning out of control.  A perfect jumbled mess of pieces. And then I remember, but I am put together, because God holds me together especially amidst everything. 

I am so blessed to have a great God. I am exhausted just thinking about the next week and doctors appointments that are involved, but I will get through it.  God already knows all the answers and I'm still here and breathing and alive, so life is good!

HG Awareness Day - May 15, 2015

Me with 4 of my babies, Joey, 8, Ina, 4, Emily, 14 months, and Tummy Baby 12 weeks - and the strap to my Zofran pump! 

A year ago, I wrote the below about my past experience with hyperemesis gravidarum. I was not sure if I was going to just reshare this again or of I would be able to share a little more, so you'll have to excuse my wording and being slightly verbose. It's very difficult to write about suffering when you're in the midst of the fog!

God has blessed our family tremendously and I'm now 13.5 weeks pregnant with another sweet baby and suffering from mild hyperemesis gravidarum again. I say "mild", but using that term to describe hg is laughable. As in, I'm only mildly vomiting all over myself multiple times a day instead of severely!  HG is something that is still greatly misunderstood, by other individuals, doctors, and many birth professionals.  The things that I have been told or heard during some of my pregnancies are just absolutely hurtful. And let me tell you, HG is real and my suffering is real despite what misinformation you may have been told about HG. IT IS NOT JUST MORNING SICKNESS.

I've been blessed to find an extremely HG knowledgeable OB this time, and having his support and willingness to implement early intervention given my pregnancy history has been absolutely a huge component to me only suffering mildly instead of as much as I have other pregnancies.  I've been taking the Lauricidin supplement since before I got pregnant, and it has definitely helped me some. It doesn't get rid of the HG by any means, but even slight improvement is a welcome improvement!  Anything that helps even a little is worth doing.

I have a zofran pump that I wear 24/7. Yes, even in the shower. This pregnancy I've only had to get fluids in the hospital and not at home so far and I'm so thankful for that, but if that changes I can get them at home if I need to.  I'm 100% thankful for the home fluids I got with Emily when I needed them, but I'm super glad to not need constant IVs or a PICC line for fluids and nutrition.  And I've only gone days without eating this time instead of months and that is such a blessing not only physically but also emotionally. Starvation messes with your mind in ways that you can't describe and can cause anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Coping is difficult. HG can have long term physical consequences for mom and baby.  Even though most HG moms and babies do not develop complications and many professionals will even regard the constant barfing as a "Good sign that the hormones are strong!" Many babies have problems with their baby teeth from HG malnutrition, and the risk of premature birth is slightly higher in HG moms.  Lasting problems for mom can vary greatly, but there are definitely many that suffer psychologically during pregnancy and after.  I know of many moms that experienced their kidneys or liver shutting down from severe hyperemesis, or that developed blood clots or acquired new bleeding disorders from HG. I'm not wanting to put all of my medical information out there, but this describes me just as much as other HG sufferers.

So, I suffer silently for the most part.  If people see me and ask how I am, I will still reply basic answers, like, "I'm okay." Really, I am ok. I am blessed growing a sweet baby and for that I am so thankful.  Yes, I might puke on myself. Alot.  At any moment, I'm trying to keep myself from vomiting.  Maybe someone just walked in the room that smells like a restaurant.  Maybe I'm starving because I haven't kept anything down in days, but the idea of vomiting another food is trauma on its own.  Maybe I actually just ate and so far kept that food down!  But the digestive system slows while you're pregnant, and if I don't keep my mental concentration on not vomiting,  I might vomit right there and lose the only food I've kept down in days.  Might even vomit on you or if you're lucky I'll be able to grab a vomit bag out of my purse, diaper bag, or pocket.  And I'll probably pee myself too from how violently I puke. None of which are on the list of things I want to do while I'm alone, much less in public! If you're around me and I'm actually eating, don't you dare bring up puking. Gah!

So I'm not lying when I say I'm ok. In comparison to Emily's and Joey's pregnancies, I am okay! If I keep things in my messed up HG perspective, I know my suffering could be much worse so I keep a smile on my face and a positive attitude - most of the time!  :) most people do not ask me directly about the pregnancy, but even then I'll give pretty basic answers to prevent all of the above.  I just can't sit here and tell you I've changed my clothes 6 times today so far because of puke and not puke.  I'm grateful daily that the HG is "mild" this time, because mild HG and having a 14 month old, 4 year old, and 8 year old who need mommy is more than enough! If you really want to know how I am, it's substantially easier for me to reply to a text or email with real answers because I can reply when I know I'm not on the verge of puking.  Please don't tell me how great I look from the weight I've lost while vomiting or that you're jealous of my loose clothing.  I would give anything to gain weight while pregnant!

So yes.  HG sucks.  It is miserable. I would not wish it on my worst enemy. It is awful to not feel good during what should be an awesome time.  But do I really want to talk about it while I'm going through it?  Nope. So if you want to offer to help us out with the kids or around the house or with meals, I do appreciate each and every little thing that friends and family have done for us especially during my pregnancies. The support you give to us helps me relax and just focus on loving my kids and growing this baby.

Please pray for women who are suffering from HG.

Here's what I wrote a year ago:

Me the day I got off of home health IV fluids during Emily's pregnancy.

"Today is Hyperemesis Gravidarum awareness day. For women like myself who have had HG, it takes what is supposed to be a huge blessing and very happy time and fills it with vomiting, nausea, rapid weight loss, dehydration, malnutrition... I honestly have a hard time even sharing about this, I still gag on certain foods and there are many I cannot even attempt to eat because of how violently I threw them up. Heck, there are still foods from Joey's and Ina's pregnancies that I cannot eat, and they are 3 and 7 years old. There are different "levels" of HG, even from pregnancy to pregnancy with the same woman. I can only hope and pray that if we are blessed with future pregnancies, I do not have HG, or if I do, they're like my easiest pregnancy, Ina's, where I only threw up once or twice daily the entire time. Easy peasy compared to my others! Perspective...

Today though I ask you to please pray daily for all of those women who are currently suffering from HG, especially those who are being offered "therapeutic termination" of their pregnancy - which if you look on the HER website, it is a staggering 20% of HG pregnancies that end in abortion. It is one of the saddest things for me having connected with other moms who have HG online, seeing how many women decide to have abortions because the current therapies are not enough to bring mom relief. It is so very, very hard. Even on home health and daily fluids, nausea meds, etc, I still could barely walk around, wash my own hair, or even get up to puke. And thank you, for all of the friends, family, and care providers that were amazing to me during one or all of my pregnancies. I could tag people, but it would be too many. My babies may not know it, but they have you to thank you for their lives and I have you to thank for mine, too. You all almost make up for the poor treatment I got from care providers, the doctors who offered me abortion, the times I had to argue with doctors in ERs about needing fluids... being sent back HOME because the doctor wanted to go to lunch before seeing me, when I was super dehydrated and tried to transfer to an OB to get on home health during Emily's pregnancy.... I could go on and on and on. Some of the instances are just too hard for me to think about or even write about.

So, please, pray for the women who have HG, pray for the sweet babies who have never made it to earth to take their first breath because of HG (either because of miscarriage, or abortion), pray for the friends and family members of those suffering, and pray for all of the doctors who are researching to find better therapies than currently exist. I'd also like to add that at the end of my pregnancy, I got some relief from a supplement called Lauricidin. After taking it for a week, it was the first time ever I had been pregnant and not also nauseated - in all of my pregnancies. I still threw up some, but it did offer me tremendous relief and I was able to come almost completely off the antinausea meds in the last month of my pregnancy except for after an occasional violent puke. There is some research being done about other pharmaceuticals that may help in pregnancy, but I personally do not feel confident enough from what I've read to share about them yet.

If you know someone with HG, call, email, show up and help. It might seem like it is very little or not enough, but if you just show up and help a little every time, it really is huge. Some of the things that helped me most were people dropping lunch off on the porch for my kids, people who came in and folded laundry or did a load of dishes, friends who watched my kids while I got stabbed for the 10th time that day to get an IV in place. It might seem small, but it is not."

I was asked recently if having another pregnancy so soon, specifically one with home health, was too traumatizing and if I was okay? I thought for a second, and even though my baby belly is now a new battle zone of bruises, bumps, and Zofran needle scars, I do not feel that traumatized in regards to that part - because Harley did such a beautiful job covering my scars with her beautiful henna, and I got to take these beautiful belly photos thanks to Lisa. Even though I know the bruises and scars were still there underneath the editing and the henna, it was very healing for me. So thank you both.