Talk about my Baby Alexius

I've contemplated, prayed about, and thought greatly about what I want to share this month, and I may share more later too. It's hard for me to share about my miscarriages -- there is so much misunderstanding and with misunderstanding, there comes so much judgement that I've experienced alot of, and that makes me want to close up and not share. Other moms need to know that they're not alone though, and the only way that attitudes towards pregnancy and infant loss will change is by talking about it, so here is a tiny bit of my heart.

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in loss. I've been that 1 in 4 - many times. I have children that you may never see but I miss and love and think about every day.

Yesterday actually just passed an "anniversary" -- the due date of one of our baby's we lost to miscarriage. Every passing due date I have a moment of pause and think, I'd have another child that would be "x" years old right now, if that pregnancy had gone to term. What would that child be like? Would they like trucks? Or princesses? Would they eat their vegetables? I naturally compare them to my other kids that age, but I know in my heart they would be very different. I also take pause on the passing of my loss date, the day I found out I was miscarrying. Another sad day. When you have so many babies that you've lost to miscarriage like I do, the number of these passing anniversaries end up piling up to being alot of days throughout the year, sometimes it can be overwhelming.

So yesterday was the due date for our baby that we named Alexius Timothy. He was concieved immediately prior to Robin, and lost early in the first trimester. His due date gives me special pause because he would be one... but also, because, if we hadn't lost his pregnancy, Robin wouldn't have ever been concieved. And especially since then Robin ended up coming EARLY, now Alexius' due date and Robin's birthday are actually only like 3 weeks apart instead of the almost 8 weeks they would have been, which is really weird for me when I sat and thought about it yesterday. And so while we of course mourn for our baby that we lost, there's of course the part of my heart that is thankful that God obviously had a plan, because Robin clearly was intended for our family. So... that is just a brief, short, ONE of my angel baby's stories.

If you've experienced a pregnancy/infant loss and you're sitting alone and in silence, please don't. Reach out to someone and talk about your baby. It doesn't have to be me, but if you want it to be me, it can be. I know how much it hurts to sit alone and in silence and to feel like no one understands.